literature

Ripple

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Literature Text

Too scared to move did Fire feel
After learning the supposed truth about Water;
She had been abandoned by her own companion
Yet left behind only for Water's life to proceed.

Hollows swarmed into the light of the sun
Only shown through windows sealed by bars
To the wilting flower of Fire,
The sorrow fleeting within her figure,
Causing dreads of truth yet realized.

Water in turn had stood her ground
Waiting for her dear friend to return,
Only did she now realize,
Fire was captured by The Hollow Tree;
When the sky turned from light to dark
The Darkness arose throughout the land,
And the majestic sight of the snow-shown mountains
Faded into naught.

The Hollow Tree had longed for the friendship of the Fire,
Who had never paid attention before time's hands had turned,
Causing them to separate.

He spoke at the utmost gentle voice to the weakening Fire:
"Why does someone of such perfection endure such hatred?"
The Fire looked up at the false smile
As gleaming gold eyes shook all other thoughts aside.

Many times she had seen this act,
Never would it work upon the anger built to hold the Fire;
Within this stage,
She would have no choice,
But to set aside all thoughts
And excepted her failure of escape.

The Hollow Tree was pleased with this,
For he had obtained the Flame of Rage
With all hope set aside,
Only to be perfect through the eyes of The Hollow Tree.

The Ripples of Time turned away
With no hopes of freeing Fire from her fate;
Angered to see this,
Fire subsided all faith in men,
But The Hollow Tree.

Mortal men trembled at the sight of her
All alone Fire had been
Except for the Tree
That excepted her for the perfection she had to offer
To those that saw naught within her golden gaze.

Fire was risen from places unknown,
Burning down everything the eye could see
And no man stood to face her wrath,
For she had been claimed by The Hollow Tree;
When news reached the lake in which Water slept,
She could never face the facts.

Both Fire and Water fought in the night,
But neither one did live;
Water's magic dampened Fire
While Fire caused Water to shrivel like fish.

The Hollow Tree,
Although his behavior had never been seen,
Brought them from death
And into his keep;
With the several years that did pass,
Neither had spoken a word.

No matter how hard it was tried,
The Tree could not achieve his goal:
For everything to be at piece
While he alone could be with Fire.

On the night that led to its eclipse,
The Hollow Tree spread Fire and Water far away from one another
Only to find their rage a desire;
When Fire charged to end Water's life,
He halted her and held her near
"My perfect Fire, what causes you pain?
Let me take it away for you to be glad."

All Fire wanted was for the warfare to end,
But did not dare call for that praise;
She knew he would do whatever she wanted,
So she told him these few words:
"I want for men to leave us be
And for the death of Water to be set free.
Death and violence can have their way,
But not as long as I'm here to stay."

The Tree heard these words of hurt
And set aside all other thoughts;
Grant her dream did he do,
With no remorse
Yet only through his pain did he realize
That Fire was right
Just as he had thought.
For those that want more, here's the third part to my epic series.
Comments4
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BrokenDemise's avatar
G-W FEEDBACK:

1) Alright, length is probably your biggest strong-point, as well as some aspects in the structure.
2) I think you could change the word order in some areas.
3) So, some things you can do specifically are these:

After learning the supposed truth about the Water; (take out the second "the")

And the majestic sights of the snow-shown mountain (add an "S" at the end of "mountain")

As gleaming amber eyes shook all other thoughts aside. (change "amber eyes" to "gold(en) eyes")

When news reached the lake in which Water slept
She could never face the facts. (add a comma after "slept")

4) Even though there's more to change in this compared to the previous two, I think this one went well in the process of being written.
5) Rating is currently at 4.0